It has been a long and exhausting week for me, mostly because of some difficulties with one particular adult at work. I won't go into details. The story is far too long, and it weighs on my soul every time I repeat it. But I'm trying to stay focused on the bright side: It has become apparent to me this week how many wonderful friends I have at work and how many people truly support me. I have had other teachers offer me much needed support and advice that has helped me weather this ongoing storm.
This trial has caused me to evaluate things in my life and think about where all my stress comes from. And it has made me wonder if I am really putting the emphasis in my life where it should be. I have heard different things about Catholic people having issues with learned guilt, and I think Mormon women rank right up there too! I feel so much guilt about leaving my kids with someone else--fabulous though she may be--while I go off to work every other day. I feel such an awesome responsibility to make sure they are learning correct principles, morals, behaviors, etc. And I miss them tremendously when I'm away from them. I started wondering today if women who were raised with different views also feel this guilt. As Mormon women we put a lot of pressure on ourselves to try to be perfect, serve everyone, go the extra mile, give everything 110%, and on and on. But I just can't get it all done. No matter what I do, I'm always behind the curve on something. I know, this is where the Atonement makes up the difference. But it can still be discouraging to try to be everything to everyone all the time.
I have to learn how to put all this guilt away and be content with myself where I am . . . be content with what I can give right now. I've come to find out, most other people don't think I'm falling short. They think I have it all together. Maybe I do, and I just don't realize it. It's all perception, right?
Please note: This post is not a desperate plea for compliments. I just wanted to share my honest opinions/feelings about how hard we can be on ourselves and how I am feeling today. It helps me feel better and process when I write about it. And maybe someone else can relate and know she is not alone in her guilt and struggle.
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6 comments:
I had a friend once say, "I've given up guilt!" Nice idea, if you can manage it. =)
Thanks for the post! I love to hear that other moms feel this way too! (sorry to hear about your crumminess though) I have a friend who always writes cutsie posts that almost make me want to gag! Thanks for the reminder to lose the guilt!
Wish we lived closer and could get together to share in the journey!
I think all women feel that way at times. You're not alone!
Unfortunately as Mormon women we feel guilt about a lot of things. I think Mormon's tend to feel "guilty" about a lot of things. I don't think the LDS faith teaches that, but is part of the LDS culture. As people we need to start not trying to "guilt" ourselves or others about life. It is an ongoing struggle, and one that I think we all have to try to work on. Sorry about your struggles.
I know exactly what you are talking about. You put it so well. I totally agree that it is a pressure we put on ourselves and most people do think we have it all together. Sometimes the feeling of guilt becomes so strong it feels like it could over take us (at least for me)!
Hang in there! For me the best thing is to take a step back and look at the big picture. Knowing this life is but a blip in our existence helps me take added stress off of the little things that don't matter as much.
I like what Julie said. I am trying to give up guilt myself. I know how hard it is though. I know how hard we all try. I hope you are feeling better soon and know that doing what you can is enough. The other stuff can wait and you shouldn't have to feel guilty that it does. Love you.
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